middle of the night

i thinks its so cool that you can wake up at 4 in the morning and click on the computer screen and find 1230 other people up, thinking about knitting, just like you are. Cracks me up , the way the world, so different, so divided, is really very tiny and similar, we share the same interests, sleep issues, concerns for our kids, blah blah blah, but fight about anything we can think of. maybe we ravelers should put all our money together and teach the whole world to knit -- theyd certainly have less time to fight if they were involved in the best yarn search, like the rest of us.

very deep stuff for 4 am.'

as i write this my son sleeps, 20 feet away, curled up in his dads chair. now, this is no 3 year old, this is my 25 year old, hunk of a man, grown up, wonderful son. Hes moving next week, buying his own home, can you imagine? I cant, this is the kid who stood at the front door watching people play outside because he was sick. this is the one who had a hole in his heart, asthma, nearly died after his dpt shot, pertusus at age 8, hit by a drunk driver at 17, got flat out plastered drunk at prom and had to come home in garbage bags, and his friends boxers --

this is the boy who went off to south carolina for college and came home a surfer guy, the one who cries if he sees a dead animal, will fight to the death to defend one of his sisters, who hugs his father and kisses me on the head and says I love you mom. this is one awesome young man, and he is buying his first house.

of course there is a girl involved. a cute litle thing, loves him to death, works hard, laughs hard, loves her momma. she has some self image issues but shes young and i think she will work through them. she isnt "moving in" but half her furniture is, and I have been told that she will set up the kitchen, not me ( thanks son). so Im guessing whenever i go see him, i'll see her. so cute, my bear is in love. and he actually managed to find a woman that I like --go figure.

so, i sit here watching him sleep, all wrapped up in "sick blankie" the one that lays folded in the hall closet, or at this time of year, folded by the fireplace -- that we all grab when we decide to sleep in the warmth of the family room, by the fire. it brings back memories of nights when I watched him sleep through ear infections, when I squeezed my hand through the rungs of the crib at the hospital and touched his little belly to be sure he was still breathing, when we'd be out on the boat and hed fall asleep--almost the minute we hit the water.

hes moving out next week, but never out of my heart. the girls say I favor him, that he can do no wrong. not true. i love them all, for and despite of who they are, but with a son it is alittle different, i mean I fell in love with the man he models himself after so of course he is special to me, and i see him being a wonderful, albeit a bit unconventional, father, a caring husband, a good and strong man. and he will take with him the socks I knitted, the blankie he has carried since he was born ( and hid in his pillow case in college) and 25 years of memories and joy -- and hopefully some lessons learned.

and I will miss him, like I miss the girls. but i wll find great joy and pride in the fact that he is my son, and he is good and he knows we are always here.